THE WIDE AWAKE CLUB
a song for depression.
i’d written these lyrics as a sort-of poem, not long after my journey into grief began.
i didn’t want to accept what was very clearly reality - and found myself in a hole with booze and drugs and all these crazy ideas about death and spirituality that were only serving to reinforce all my excuses to hide from the pain of it.
when people say ‘a part of me died’ after they lose someone, i guess that would be the best sum-up for where this comes from. i felt like i’d lost my grip. not knowing what’s real, seeing things that aren’t there, dissociating completely.
it’s probably the darkest lyric i’ve ever written and it’s still challenging to sing live.
marrying it all up with this poppy, upbeat, major key instrumental felt fucking hilarious to us on the other hand.
we wrote it together in early 2020 and it felt like a winner within the first 10 minutes. the lyric i already had fit it perfectly and it was done in a night. adore this song.
“of all the things i’ve lost, i miss my mind the most”
THE MUSIC VIDEO
we wanted to make something surreal and a bit old-school. watched a lot of 80s daytime tv shows for this.
pandemic restrictions had lifted significantly by the time we were shooting, so we were able to really swing for it.
we wanted to play with a sense of distorted reality and amp up the descent into madness as much as we could. like a dream sequence. it makes sense and it doesn’t; it’s us and it’s not us.
we shot it all at our HQ and there was a lot of DIY this time, too.
we built that living room set and borrowed/charity shopped a bunch of furniture ourselves to make it look real but also weird.
that yellow goop i’m spluttering up is a mixture of flour, food colouring and milk, i think? it was horrendous. it was warm under all the lights and it just felt like vomit. grim.
bags of fun shooting all those little cutaway ‘tv scenes’ too.
we also choreographed our own dance routine. can you tell?
LISTEN & DOWNLOAD:
LYRICS
we lay there together
Quiet and cold forevermore
They once asked me if I thought I could quit
But you only get one pass through that door
What did I really see,
Other than flesh in a box?
What does it really mean
If I say I’m dead now you’re gone?
the man you saw in me
Is little more than a ghost
he left with you
and everything that I loved most
everything that I loved most
Now the future looks bleak
If anything at all
Guess it’s true that the meek
Have inherited it all
Looks like I’ve got time on my hands
Till i see you again
Of all the nights I’ve had
It had to be tonight I saw your ghost
And of all the things I’ve lost
I miss my mind the most
They can tell by the eyes
no it ain’t no surprise
there’s nothing left inside
watch me grit my teeth and lie
keep everybody fooled
as if I’m still alive
as if I’m wide awake
Of all the nights I’ve had
It had to be tonight I saw your ghost
And of all the things I’ve lost
I miss my mind the most
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